Tall Girl Ramblings

So I was driving...

Well I was more texting...

...but I promise I was at a red light.

But ANYway. This guy rolls up next to me, and I'm busy...you know, texting. Ahem.

So, he made the decision...the choice if you will...to honk at me. The car parked next to him at the red light. Because that's what boys do.

And I was all...(but in my car)

And he was all…

And then I was all...

And went back to…

At which point he decided...made the choice if you will...to honk again.

Seriously, no I'm totally serious. He was honking at me like a cholla.

So at which point I took the classy road...

Rolled down my window...

And yelled..."FUCK YOUR HONKING."

...Sorry Mom.

1.) What is the one thing you like most about yourself?
Physically? My hair. Personality? I can act strong even when I'm not.

2.) What is the one thing you regret the most in your life?
HMM. I wouldn't call it a regret, because I would still want to end up exactly here where I am today, but I wish I could have added 5 years between graduating high school and having babies. Emphasis on I am not regretting my babies, just wish I could have done so a few years later.

3.) Do you feel you had a happy childhood?
Very. I was brought up literally believing that there was no reason everyone shouldn't love me and that I could do whatever I wanted if I tried hard enough.

4.) Do you still talk to any of your childhood friends?
Yes, a couple. One friend I still talk to I went to kindergarden and pretty much every subsequent grade with.

5.) How many close friends do you have?
Good one....I'm going to classify "good" as I could call them at any time and tell them anything. In that case, 5.

6.) What are your political views?
Liberal and loving dem that doesn't agree with abortions (don't hate me women of the internet)

7.) Where is your favorite place to go?
Anywhere that's sunny and has water or Atlanta, Georgia.

8.) What do you like to do on weekends and/or in your spare time?
I don't have spare time. Should I answer this hypothetically? Lay out by myself at the pool listening to music, getting massages and working out are the three things I make sure to fit in for myself each week.

9.) What is the funniest joke you have ever told?
Actually, I'm really crappy at jokes. Mostly people are just laughing at me.

10.) In your opinion, what about you makes people wish to get to know you?
I don't know, I don't like these questions. Maybe they are curious why I talk to so many people and seem to have no shame?

11.)If you were to win $10 million, what would you do with all that money?
Buy a house, take care of my debt and everyone else i know and love's debt. donate to education and child abuse prevention, invest the rest.


12.) If you could take me with you to go anywhere, where would we go?
Las Vegas, duh.

13.) Describe yourself in 3 words.
Lover, protective, confident

14.)What is your favorite genre?
emo fiction

15.) Name 2 fears.
Ants and people i love dying

16.) If you could be anyone, who would you be and why?
Britney Spears, please don't make me explain it. I know, it's sick.

17.) On a scale from 1-10 how romantic are you?
0, I really pretty much suck at romance. It makes me uncomfortable which has lead to about 239872349 break ups.

18.) What is the most adventurous thing you have ever done?
bungee jump

19.) What is your idea of a perfect evening?
swimming in the dark, drinking/laughing with friends

20.) What color are MY eyes?
Green? I'm sorry Lou. The devil is in the details.

So, I didn't read any of your questions because I didn't want to get writer's block. Forgive me if their are repeats.

1. What name did you wish you had when you were younger?
2. When was a time that you felt brave?
3. When was a time that you felt nerdy?
4. If someone were to really know the real you, what would they not like?
5. Same question as before, but what would they really like?
6. If you were given $1000, what is the first thing you would do with the money?
7. What was a defining moment in your life?
8. What was the worst haircut ever?
9. How would you spend a Sunday afternoon with the one rule that you couldn't spend it with anyone else.
10. Do you want a big wedding or a small wedding?
11. If you could live anywhere else where would you life?
12. What is your worst ridiculous fear?
13. If forced with the decision of eating rotton decomposed testicles or shooting yourself in the foot, which would you chose? (I don't know, don't ask.)
14. What are you the best at?
15. What do you consider cheating?
16. When you picture your life in 10 years what do you see?
17. What is the first thing you do when you wake up (after you pee of course)?
18. If you could take a class in school right now, what would you sign up for?
19. Tell me someone else's secret (without using names)?
20. What is the worst sexual experience you've ever had?

I love humans. I love most things about us. I love that we love and hate. I love that we create and destroy. I love that we are a family species - we are involved with our babies forever. I love that we laugh and that we cry. I love that we make music and that we make love. I love that we dance. I love that we feel emotions like grief and joy. I love that we worship God, gods, animals, plants, planets, etc. I love that we need that feeling of "there has to be something more than this". I love that we kiss and I even love that we hug. Beautiful, beautiful humans.

That's what I called it anyway. It feels kind of like this...

...but much less fun.

Feb 10th, 2008 I ate my last steak. It tried to kill me. Long story short is they kept trying to serve it to me bloody and I kept politely asking them to cook it longer. On the 4th time (yes 4th), I decided that I would either risk the countless bacterias I may consume by eating bloody meat or risk God knows what they do to my steak if I send it back a FIFTH time. I ate the bloody steak. I involuntarily (and violently) expelled the steak within an hour. That's right, I have never in fact had to poop and throw up at the same time before that day, Feb 10th, 2009. Not that I actually threw up - since everyone knows I don't actually throw up - but that was a close call my friends, a close call.

So throughout the rest of the week I had violent stomach episodes. One which was at Target. A VERY close call. Embarrassing. I was convinced I had ecoli by the time I got home from the restaurant. My Mom tried to assure me that ecoli takes some time to develop. I'm still unconvinced.

So, long story short - right? I stopped eating beef at that moment. My vegan/vegetarian friends at work started throwing sad animal videos at me. They sought opportunity to recruit, it worked. Shortly thereafter I stopped eating pig (they are after all smarter than dogs...) and shortly after THAT, I was shredding chicken and couldn't help put notice it's sternum. The identical body part that I have on my chest. At that point, chicken poultry was out of the question for me as well.

So, my basic dietery [meat] rules are this:

no hamburgers/steak/ground beef whatsoever (i have induldged in hotdogs about 3 times in the last 18 months. it's a weakness when prepared in mac and cheese, yum.)

avoid chicken/turkey but will eat it to be polite or if i'm having a protein craving

I will eat some fish sparingly. I get tired of the fish taste REAL quickly so I go in spurts of no fish either.

To be clear - although I feel bad for this, it's not what made me stop eating meat.





Not even this...although it is saddd.




It's this...


And a little bit of this...they are smarter than dogs!




So I don't like to label myself as "vegetarian" because I don't like to be scolded if I feel like having orange chicken one day. I would say on average I have a serving of poultry once a month or two. I will eat fish usually at least once a month to get my protein in.

Today I had a terrible episode where I mistakenly ate someone elses to-go chinese which was pork (aka PIGS THAT ARE SMARTER THAN DOGS) instead of my chicken. Needlesstosay, it has been over two years since my last pork digestion and.................it's not going well.

It's difficult for me to place when exactly I became so damn busy. It seems to me at least a year ago, maybe two - I had a TV lineup for every night of the week. I stayed up late talking to friends online. I decorated my myspace on a weekly basis. I took new sass pictures of myself to show the world. Yes, I was one freaking carefree individual.

I'm just not sure what happened, where it happened but I would really like to turn back the hands of time....

My responsibilities, in no particular order:

Mother
Wife
Friend
Daughter
Sister I really should be a better a sister...
Perfect Trainer (That's my job, by the way...yes I talk for a living)
Healthy Woman
Student

Just for kicks, lets go through that list again and determine the approximate hours needed to make each a successful role in my life. We'll talk hours per week. Total hours per week is 168.

Mother: While realizing I am indeed a mother ALL the time, I will assume that during daycare and sleeping hours - my direct active responsibilities are minimal. So...74 hours a week. SAD! God, that's sad. Makes me want to quit work to stay home with my children. Moving on.
Wife: Before work I'm worthless in this category and I will be the first to say without my husband I would never make it out of the door every morning. So after work and weekends totals......77 hours/week...because we can stay up late.
Friend: When life is perfect - I try and spend at least 5 hours a week talking (on the phone even) or being with friends.
Daughter: My Mom is designated at least an hour a day of talking...we're close...7 hours. We usually see eachother on the weekend at some point so average is closer to 13 hours.
Sister I really should be a better a sister...
Perfect Trainer (That's my job, by the way...yes I talk for a living): 45 hours a week
Healthy Woman: My goal is to always work out 4 times a week for a minimum of 5 hours total.
Student: With two classes you should allow for three hours of homework per week, per class PLUS actual class time...so...8 hours.

SO! Based on this, I have 168 hours per week to complete 293 hours of responsibility. You know what that means? You cannot possibly be 100% at everything. It's IMpossible, if you will.

Here is how I make sure that everyone gets at least a little somethin from me.

Mother: I try and pick up my kids from daycare at least twice a week so we have Mommy/Baby time (is what we call it) to play and dance before business starts when Daddy gets home (dinner, bath, bedtime, etc.) I also have them all day Sat to myself where I try and find something fun to do together every weekend. Same with Sunday.

Wife: I suck at this. I need to get better. I realize as I write this that I too quickly assume that I can be a good wife later. But I will say that I try and cuddle with my husband at least once a day. I also try and send funny cute text messages throughout the day so he knows I think about his fineeee ass.

Friend: I get most of my friend time through work out time because I rock the buddy system at the gym. My girl Sarah and I are fitness class junkies and I get to count that as friend time. Besides physical fitness, I try and call a friend to catch up every couple days and on great weeks, I actually go out on the weekends. I know, it's exciting.

Daughter: Like I said, I call my Mom (or she calls me and demands to know what's wrong) and usually twice a month we hang out and do something with the kids. Everyone knows that once you have kids you are definitely playing second string to those little shorties in your parent's eyes. That's okay with me.

Sister: I suck at this. I need to do better at this.

Perfect Trainer: I have designated work hours, like most people. This takes no extra effort for prioritization on my behalf. I just go to work, and kick ass.

Healthy Woman: I try to minimally go 1 hr of zumba, 1 hr of pilates and do 1 hr of running/lifting. The zumba and pilates are scheduled for tues/thurs the running I just try and fit in wherever I can.

Student: Ah, this was tough. Thank God it's summer right now. This involved constant thought and focus so that I could remember tests, study and complete homework totally on my own. Which was hard even the first time I tried college. I wish I could say I was way better, but not yet. Stupid math class that I will never talk about again................

My "normal" day involves waking up at 6:30AM to get ready for work. This is where my fabulous husband comes in...he will usually make me breakfast and lunch for the day while I get ready. I try to spend at least 15 minutes sitting and talking to my kids in the morning and will usually be out the door by 8AM.

I get off work around 5:45PM, pick up the kids and hang out/dance/be silly until around 7:00PM when David gets home. On gym nights, David feeds the kids and puts them to bed. On non-gym nights we fight this battle together.

1/2 the time I am so exhausted I am in bed by 9pm (last night it was 8:30p, sheesh...). The other half of the time I try really hard to stay up and talk to my husband.

Just look at that schedule and try and imagine what I do when school is in session. Outrageous.

Writing all this out actually made me exhausted. I'm off work now and going to go pick up my kids. Tonight is Zumbaaaa so you can imagine my night exactly. Lucky you.

So, that trip was two weekends ago and with my life that is like 17 light years away by now. I will say that it was a great weekend. There was little to no catastrophe which was a pleasant surprise. I kind of thought that catastrophe came with the territory of taking two toddlers on a weekend vacation that included disneyland. I thought little over-whelmed, over-tired, over-sugared children would surely break down but my babies were certainly soldiers.

I did learn that my son suffers from carsickness. And that flan is apparantly not tolerated his by dairy-sensitive body. I also learned that dramamine knocks that boy out cold [thus avoiding a 14th+ incident of vomitting. Yes, you heard me correctly. He vomitted a total of 13 times over the weekend]. This was his assumed position for the 6 hours home from Cali.

Looks like paradise if you consider my assumed position....stuck between a carseat and a 4 year old that was stir-crazy and refused to sleep.

You'll notice that Elyse is wide awake. She started to get a little green on the way up, and refused to nap so we thought a little dose of dramamine might do her some good as well.......

Does she look tired to you? Even a little bit? Yeah, no. She wasn't.

So that was my trip! I'm working on a post to cover recent events...stay tuned.

Where kids discover they want to be pirates...

Where cool hats are sold...[and where Daddy takes you on all the spinny rides]

Where little 4 year old girls meet their heroes...

Where Elyse rode every ride with her Grandma...

Where Andy was stuck to his Mama like glue...

Where kids get their new favorite toys...

Details to come!

Not saying I am an expert, but here are some tips that I have found useful:

1. Someone is always chasing someone in the relationship. Which means as much as "don't play games" sounds fun and fanciful - the truth is that there has to be some mystery-some chase- if all parties are to remain interested.
2. Do. Not. Allow. Guys. To. Be. Mean. To. You. Not once. DEFINITELY not two times. You teach people how to treat you.
3. On the flip side - love yourself. After the "big breakup" of my life (every girl has one, hopefully just one)...I was not so good. I literally had to self talk myself into fabulousness again. I remember a defining moment when I walked by a reflective glass and thought to myself "Ugh. Ugly." and I realized how bad that thinking was. After that I wouldn't let myself talk about myself. Yes, I realize that sounds cheezy but at least consider it.
4. Do not overapply makeup. Never let both your legs and your boobies hang out everywhere. High heels with short skirts/shorts need to be greatly considered but are possible. Always make sure you are wearing at least a splash of color. Accessories are everything.
5. Look for guys that are nice to their mothers.
6. Don't give it up too easy if you are interested in having any kind of lasting relationship.
7. Listen to your friends when they tell you that your boyfriend sucks.
8. Tell your hair stylists when they fuck up your hair. It's their job to do it right or fix it.
9. Wear red lipstick or have dramatic eye makeup. Do not do both at once. You'll look like a clown [see rule #4]
10. If you think you're fabulous, so will everyone else. I promise.

If this guy had long brown hair, boobs and didn't have an office with a view [or if he instead had a windowless flashy painted training room] it would totally be me.

I really have no explanation for my exhaustion. The only thing I can figure is that my schedule has been out of whack the last couple weeks. But I did totally go to bed WITH my kids last night. If you don't know me, my kids have a seriously regimented bedtime. I was definitely in bed by 8:30pm. Wow, I just had one of those moments where you realize you're getting old. Sad.

I also suck at working out recently. How did I go from running/going to the gym 3-4 times a week to barely making it once a week sometimes. Was it school? Did I get bored? All I know is I have five extra pounds on me to love since January and I am not comfortable with this trend.

NEW GOAL. Starting next week, I will restart my regular fitness regimine. Pilates on Tuesday. Zumba on Thursday. Running on the weekend. Lifting on whatever random day I can fit in. I will look fabulous again by my birthday. Mark my words.

Dear Hot Pink Guess Heels [that I love so dearly],

How else can I say this except plainly, I love you. I love the way you make my legs look, I love how I can see the reflection of the world in your shiny hot pink exterior. I love how I wear you with whatever outfit I'm wearing, regardless of color or style. You are just that cool, you go with anything. Thank for all your effort in making me look fabulous.

Sincerely, Jenni


If this email had been written from my feet, it would have gone something along the lines of this:

This was us, 3 years ago yesterday at our wedding. This was after our first dance to "Better Together" by Jack Johnson.

As my Grandma readily pointed out - ignore my chubby cheeks body. I was four months pregnant!

Introducing, my princess, Elyse "Lysie" Chiquiwingie. She is 4 years and 5 days old. Happy birthday baby!

[I feel] I am a like-able person. It is rare for me to feel insecure about whether or not someone likes me.

[I feel] I have strong qualities that make me more qualified than others. Specifically in my job and in my interpersonal skills with others.

[I feel] I am aware of my faults. Some of those are: wearing my heart on my sleeve, keeping my mouth closed when I feel like something should be said, being bossy (dare I say, manipulative?) and criminally stubborn.

[I feel] I am guilty of craving positive feedback and attention more than I should. I will obsess over imperfections (not of the physical nature, but imperfect characteristics or performance).

[I feel] I am disarmed by snarky girlness or outright mean people. I never how to handle the situation so I usually just cry.

[I feel] I am a lover and a fighter. I love to love and I love people. I trust and love without prejudice and it's diffult for me to get mad at someone unless I know they meant to hurt me [or someone I love]. I'll have a conversation with anyone.

[I feel] I am meant to be a girl. I love every single bit of being a girl. I think we are art in every curve of our body, swish of our hair, color on our face and beat of our heart.

[I feel] I am skeptical of people girls that talk shit about other girls or are generally judgemental. I try very hard not to make company with girls like that and I try even harder not to be a girl like that.

[I feel] I am Christian, religious and spiritual. I also feel that all of those are seperate and not one requires the presence of the other. I believe in Jesus and that makes me a Christian. I believe in participating in holy acts, that makes me religious. I believe in feeling the holy spirit and feeling the spirits of people that have passed and I feel that makes me spiritual. I also believe that God equally loves and accepts all people as they are. I believe that being born gay is just the same as being born black, white, yellow or red. I believe that judgemental Christians give every Christian a bad name.

[I feel] I am a muscian. If I had free time and no restrictions I would play music professionaly for the rest of my life. Considering this is not a profitable lifestyle financially, I will probably never be able to do this. That will not stop the music running through my veins.

[I feel] I am done with this post for now.

I think most people aren't racist but I think nearly everyone discriminates. And I think this is a very difficult part of our genetic make up to control and manage.

Definition of discrimination: treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favor of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit.

Discrimination comes from the same part of our brain that lets us remember what we've learned. Something stimulates our learning, we categorize it based on what we already know and then we use that information to recall later. For example, brand/product awareness. If we have a negative experience with a company or product, we will likely associate bad feelings with that product in general. I used depo (the birth control shot) in early college years and essentially had my period for an. entire. year. That's right. How do you think I react now when someone mentions birth control via shot? I don't care if is the new and improved version 10000.0 that also gives you super powers. I'm not having my fucking period for another calendar year. I learned from my experience and projected my views of that product infinitely as my opinion.

We do it with brands ("I hate depo"), we do it with food ("Seafood sucks"), we do it with places ("St. Louis was totally boring.") and we do it with people ("People that go to starbucks everyday are name-brand whores").

Our brain will naturally take similar information and categorize it together. Stereotypes are always born somewhere. You can't tell me that everyone doesn't have a preconceived notion about someone they meet within moments of saying hello for the first time.

My plane lands in New Mexico and I immediately think, "Hm...this looks a lot like Dallas. I hated Dallas." I will see New Mexico through the filter that I hated Dallas and New Mexico is probably a lot like Dallas. Things that support that notion will go through the filter. Things that contradict that notion will bounce off and not be remembered. I'm not talking about what I do. I'm talking about what you do. I'm talking about what humans do.

Without stereotyping, we couldn't project opinions based on experience. If we realized that our stereotypes were useless, each experience - each person - each place - would be treated like a clean slate.

My communications teacher shared a story about a girl that took a ride with a clean cut guy, wearing a suit, driving a nice car and got raped and nearly killed as a result. She went with him because he "looked like a missionary". If a scrubby mechanic with dirty fingernails, long unkempt hair and a jalopy car pulled up know that chick would have peaced out. She would have been down the corner and around the block running for her life before the man could finish "Want a ride?".

I suppose this post accurately reflects the title of my blog "Ramblings". I just hate when people say they don't discriminate. Everyone does. It's how the human brain processes new information. What we shouldn't do is allow our stereotypes to dictate how we are going to experience a new person, place or thing.

I still think that people that go to starbucks everyday are largely name brand whores. (Note my use of "largely" instead of "all" indicates growth...baby steps.)